Freshman year was an interesting experience and it certainly transformed my view of the world for the longest time. I recently stepped out of the whole I dug myself. I met a few new friends that year, some who I'm still friends with to this day (at least on Facebook) I had an official girlfriend who I had my first kiss with and an emotional break up. At the very least it caught me off guard and really upset me. I also discovered an amazing thing that I find a lot of my inspiration from. Manga, and soon after I discovered Anime.
So I was a real nerd, I was stereotypical glasses kid, picking boogers in class, being naturally smart... but I fell asleep in classes. A lot. Specifically Science. I made a transition from that to a guy who most people thought "He's going to shoot up the school." I never had those thoughts, but I did have suicidal thoughts, a whole bunch. I thought I was going crazy and I was so scared of growing up and becoming old (Still am really) It'd keep me up at night and I'd wash the dishes, holding sharp knives and thinking that I could just end it, right there. It would be one and done. One of the things that kept me from doing it was I was also scared of death. Who isn't?
I had a great Mom that finally got me to put aside those suicidal thoughts. They still show up here and there, but I've grown up enough to know there's no worse mistake than committing that act. I wasn't really a bad kid but I did some dumb stuff. I was in a gang at one point. It actually wasn't a gang, in fact it was two friends who had grown to hate each other and practically decided to grow separate groups that despised each other. Neither did anything bad, but there were a few stand offs. Met my best friend through that dumb crap. In fact, we were on opposite sides for a while. One time he broke his arm trying to impress his 'leader' by doing parkour on the campus buildings. I don't know how he explained that incident to his folks.
I got into more than a few arguments with my Mom throughout High School. When it came to Internet friends, School, Life... even Chores. It always felt a tad bit one sided. I see a number of people who make arguments and keep interrupting each other, never reaching an end and it reminds me of those times a little. My mom and I had points to make, however she saw hers as the most important and I saw mine as the most important. I will say my years as a teenager taught me to respect and listen to others, whether I agree with their arguments or not. It also showed me that arguing with your parents gets you nowhere, for better or for worse.
I will say I felt like shit when she broke her leg. She had invited me to do rollerskating and I wanted to play video games. It was around the time of my birthday, and I wanted to do what I wanted to do, so I declined and she went without me. I still feel bad, but she's made a hell of a lot of progress since. My teenage years also saw to the struggling relationship I had with my Sister. It was a one sided relationship for a while, and I can't really explain why. I never knew the reason why she was resistant towards me, or towards anyone really. I'd like to say it's the whole 'monthly' thing they go through, but I have a penis so I can't really say anything on that topic.
Good thing is I have Anime and video games to fall back on. Some of the biggest inspirations to my life come from them, and I'm proud to admit that.
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