People will be people. Kids will be kids. I've thought about this for a long time. A question that lingers in just about everyone's head when they see me post on Facebook or read this blog is "Why does he care so much?" You don't even think about the question because you already assume you know the answer. "Because he's a good person" or "He doesn't know how the world works yet." That's only half of the truth. Sure, I don't entirely know how the world works but I've got a good idea. You're damn right I'm a good person but it took a lot of hard work by my loving Mom and Dad, seeing my Sister just as damaged as I was and being an open minded person.
So why do I care so much? Well, there was a point in my life where I was on the right track. Sure I made dumb kid moves; drew on walls, broke the heads off my sister's Barbie dolls and stuck my mom's jewelery in a toy car set and then couldn't get it out. But I read a lot of books, I was starting to create my own stories and was even drawing for them. I was a loving brother and a kind hearted kid. I actually remember the necklace I wore in either Texas or Arkansas that had all my reading medals for reaching certain goals.
I was taken from what I still see as a place where I was getting the peak amount of potential into the most hostile environment I have ever experienced. I don't know what it's like to go to war... but I felt as if I was placed in the middle of a battlefield with a slingshot. My stepbrother had doubts about liking me, my step mom and father had their differences from the start and I remember the constant fighting, the threatening of taking all our toys away for some of the dumbest things. There was one winter I got the PS2 taken from me for some reason. I insulted my stepbrother I think. I hadn't even received my punishment yet. I was just laying in the snow for who knows how long, staring at the bare gray sky. I just laid there.
Then there was school. I can't tell you how judgemental I am of people because of the people I met in school. The moment someone becomes a good friend I cherish them. The moment someone shows even a slight tendency of hostility and aims it directly at me because I am a certain way I instantly hate their fucking guts. I've been picked on, beat up, laughed at, called so many names and half of these experiences were during a time where my mind went from a kind hearted kid to a kid who'd slit your god damn throat for looking at him funny.
I picked my nose, came up with crazy stories and wanted to live a fantasy. I was pretty short for my age, said silly things and just wanted to have a place where everyone could be happy. Middle school bullying was pretty harsh. I punched a few people. Gave several death stares and kept my mouth shut. High school I became even more silent. I became full of intense hatred toward people and myself. I gave even more death stares, wrote dark tragedies had mental breakdowns and joined a "gang" for a small amount of time. A lot of my old friends were scared of me. They had a pretty good feeling I'd wind up coming to school with a rifle and start shooting the place. Pretty sure a few teachers saw how fucked up I was.
This is why I care. Sure, there are kids with worse situations than mine... but that's who I'm fighting for. I'm fighting for all the kids, teens and adults that have been through shit in their lives. Shit that gave them a lot of damage or enough damage to warp who they were. They were belittled too much, weren't cared for enough. They weren't given hopeful speeches they got messages of hate and people telling them they're worthless. The kids that commit suicide or end up shooting places up... I don't pity them. That's wrong. You help them. You help them before they kill the good inside them.
This world needs hope. I'm here to give it to as many people as possible.
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