Tragedy Loves Happiness

I dont know how long I've been staring at this mirror. Just looking over myself time and time again, nitpicking everything I do or involve myself in. Youd think with how much of a perfectionist I am I'd have perfected myself first. I've see a person that let their past shape them, I've seen myself refuse to acknowledge my hardships and let them make me better. I've nearly seen myself commit to a tragic end that wouldve broken more hearts than just my own. I've broken down and cried about my shortcomings nore than I can count. I've molded myself several times after the people I watch and listen to because I felt in order to be successful I had to be them, not myself. I'm gonna be honest... I've always held myself back. Not because of procradtination, not because I'm scared of commitment. I'm scared of the possibility of being wrong. What if I choose the wrong road and I'm not happy with it? I can't just hit the reset button. These q...

Maybe it's just my doubts. Maybe I'm just imagining these feelings. Maybe nothing's wrong at all. All the fucked up things that have happened to me and I'm somehow fine. Obviously people aren't perfect and I have my flaws. I'm still a positive person. I still strive to be better than I was yesterday and to inspire others. To teach kindness, joy and that emotions aren't a crutch. Yet here I am shaking as I type. They're only a crutch of you let them be... or you do what I do. Shut the world out and focus on yourself. Enjoy the time you have each day doing what you like to do and ignoring everything and everyone else. Something pisses you off you just shove it to the back of your mind. Something worries you, you don't bring it up. You pretend that everything is perfect and fine. That what I do. I'm grateful that I've gotten as far as I have, but these doubts eat at my brain and my heart. I don't want the "Everything's going to wor...

When it comes to talking about myself, it's extremely difficult. This entire time I've focused on my past, explaining what's happened to me and how it makes me who I am. That's the real question though. Who am I? Am I a guy filled with seething hatred and passion? Do I constantly commit good deeds and aim to inspire others on a daily basis? Do I lift my chin and think less of people that don't understand me or do things differently than I think it should be done? These are all half truths. They are only half right. I say I'm a novice artist, but really it's more than that. I'm a creator and several of the things I create are inspired off of the books I've read, shows/movies I've seen and ideas I purely find fascinating. The creator side of me is what I love about myself.  I'm also a child. Not by age but in my mind. I have a naivety about myself, yet I'm also capable of understanding a lot of things in th world. I love learning, more im...

People will be people. Kids will be kids. I've thought about this for a long time. A question that lingers in just about everyone's head when they see me post on Facebook or read this blog is "Why does he care so much?" You don't even think about the question because you already assume you know the answer. "Because he's a good person" or "He doesn't know how the world works yet." That's only half of the truth. Sure, I don't entirely know how the world works but I've got a good idea. You're damn right I'm a good person but it took a lot of hard work by my loving Mom and Dad, seeing my Sister just as damaged as I was and being an open minded person. So why do I care so much? Well, there was a point in my life where I was on the right track. Sure I made dumb kid moves; drew on walls, broke the heads off my sister's Barbie dolls and stuck my mom's jewelery in a toy car set and then couldn't get it out. But I...

I was always a creative person. These thoughts and ideas never left me for as long as I had an inkling of hope. I'm telling you this because there were five years where I almost died. My sanity had left me, my kindness slowly went into hibernation. My eyes did not show the strength and courage they do now. They showed fear. Five years of hell is what I tell people. It's what I've told everyone. That's not even close to the truth. It was a nightmare I could never wake up from. The nightmares I had as a child during those times were more comforting than spending another day in my situation. The things I had loved doing, specifically reading, was taken away from me. I was thrown into a religion I did not accept simply because it made no sense. The adults I lived with didn't show me compassion at the time and if they did it felt as if they wore masks. I tell people I don't remember those years. It's a lie. I remember all of it. I remember getting my hand nearl...

I've learned that most religions teach that you have a place in the world, no matter what you're doing. Honestly I've never felt that I belonged. I've always felt that there's just something missing within me. It was always a nagging feeling that I was meant for so much more in this world and there were many ideas that came to my mind that just didn't fit the budget, be it unrealistic or I just didn't have the drive for it that I thought I did. When you grow up as a kid, especially in some bad situations like I did, you want to be able to be someone else... something else. In the back of my head I've always wanted to be the better guy. The man that takes the high road not only for himself but for those around him and any others he can reach with his voice. It's been my dream, consciously and unconsciously, to inspire others. To make other people happy and to show them that no matter the hardship, you can cross any obstacle you put your mind to. You...

Depression. I'd like to say that at one point in everyone's life that they've experienced some form or another of depression. This is of course not true, but if it was and more people persevered through it then it wouldn't be a topic that everyone is scared of or doesn't understand. I tell people I had depression for about a year namely my first year of high school. Well, specifically that year was when I had contemplated suicide the most. That was me at my tipping point and I didn't even show it to people. That's what people with depression do. They don't want you to see them in pain. We're afraid of bothering you or maybe we just don't want someone's pity. I always had a fear of death, who doesn't? Thankfully when my mom reached out to me and I ended up going to therapy I was able to get pulled out away from the edge. I went straight from the edge of the cliff to taking a needle and stabbing myself repeatedly. Now I should mention imm...

After High school ended. I wanted to a video game developer, a writer, a police officer and eventually settled on applying in the military because I thought it'd be my best shot at figuring out what I wanted to do. I was 19 and still no idea what I wanted to do. When the Army couldn't take me because of my eyes I fell back on my best friend to get me a job in retail. Half of those years I worked as a Courtesy Clerk and the other half I was a Produce Clerk. It's riveting, I know. Well here's the problem. I had all of these ideas, some of them were bat shit crazy. All of them never had a single plan laid out. For a time I played video games with a group I co-founded and originally dubbed Pad Jockey, but changed to Autosave Gaming because someone had the name before us. That was a struggle and when we were getting somewhere we got hit with a few personal differences and we kind of fell apart. The problem itself was solved but we've pretty much abandoned our attempts a...

Throughout these posts I've gone through a general story of my life and my inspirations and the things I did. We're going to step back for a second and look at the people I call my parents. As of this moment, I have a Mom, a Dad, 2 Amazing Stepmoms, a Bitch who believes she's entitled to having the title of Stepmom and my Biological Father. You see what I did there? I have a Dad and a Biological Father. I'm sure you've heard this story before. The Father was a douche so the guy who married the Mom one or two relationships later is now Dad, because he does a better job. You're not wrong, the problem is that my Father isn't just a douche that cheated on my Mom. He's a douche that has targeted every woman in my family as an attempt to punish or emotionally affect my Mother. Even if it's not to target her, the things he's done still has ripples and has affected her regardless. As I type this, I am beginning to shake in anger. The reason being is th...

Anime and Video games. They're more and more commonly associated these days. Dragonball Fighter Z, Code Vein, Naruto Shippuden Ultimate Ninja Storm Series, you name a popular Anime series it's very possible it has a video game made for it or in the works. Hell there are video games made with an Anime style or story that aren't even based directly off of a popular series. There's no argument both of these forms of media have been heavy influences on my life, not to discount the many other things I do, such as watching YouTubers like Markiplier and the Game Grumps, watching Rooster Teeth content, listening to music from Eminem and recently Nathan Sharp. They typically lift my spirit, and the stories they tell or emulate can get your blood pumping or your mind thinking. I used to use video games as an escape from my problems. I would rarely leave the house. Now, a lot of people would go on to say that that's a bad thing. In my case, it was a great thing, but not beca...

Freshman year was an interesting experience and it certainly transformed my view of the world for the longest time. I recently stepped out of the whole I dug myself. I met a few new friends that year, some who I'm still friends with to this day (at least on Facebook) I had an official girlfriend who I had my first kiss with and an emotional break up. At the very least it caught me off guard and really upset me. I also discovered an amazing thing that I find a lot of my inspiration from. Manga, and soon after I discovered Anime. So I was a real nerd, I was stereotypical glasses kid, picking boogers in class, being naturally smart... but I fell asleep in classes. A lot. Specifically Science. I made a transition from that to a guy who most people thought "He's going to shoot up the school." I never had those thoughts, but I did have suicidal thoughts, a whole bunch. I thought I was going crazy and I was so scared of growing up and becoming old (Still am really) It'd...

Were now at the point of my life that I can barely remember. The only way I can explain it is that I hated that part of my life so badly that I ripped those memories out of my head. And in those years, my Inner Demon, or as Christopher Titus says, my Inner Retard was born. This is the voice that constantly beats you down, that tells you you're never good enough, that laughs in your face at the worst mistakes. Dad and Stepmom #2 (There's another I didn't mention yet, hold your horses) got us to the house midday, sometime in Summer/Fall. I brought my Harry Potter books with me. Low and behold I was told Christians don't believe in Harry Potter. Well, this was a new thing. I never paid any attention to religion in my life before that so I was just was confused as all hell. I also couldn't watch or do anything involving Pokemon or Yu-Gi-Oh or Digimon. Nothing like that. Because it was against some guy named Jesus who was supposedly some big shot up in the sky who gave ...

So, let's go through the next 10 or so years, shall we? We're ripping off the bandaid really early for this general summary of my life. Mom found a guy she wanted to stay with in Texas sometime that year. Before that however the state of Arkansas is like, half-south? So no one in my school could pronounce my name right. They kept saying it like Dominique, but it's pronounced Dominick. So, in a lunch line some kids knew I didn't like my name being said wrong, some guy thought it'd be funny to pick on the kid with the different name. So I called him fat and was done with it. Next thing I know I'm in the principals office for calling a kid fat. If I was older I would've been "Do you see how large he is? He was probably eating twinkies when taken out of the womb." To my 7 year old self that dude was a human bowling ball. Anyway, Mom dragged me and Sis to the guy in Texas and filed for divorce from my Father. Or maybe she did it before hand? The poin...

My full name is Dominik Loretto Sanmarco. I am currently going to college for a DTA (Direct Transfer for Arts) Degree (I think that's what it's called). I'm an aspiring Manga/Comic artist and I love crafting fantasy and sci-fi stories in my free time. I was born 3 months early at 1 pound 11 ounces with a twin named Alexander in Buffalo, New York. Within the first few weeks of our premature birth Alex caught an unknown virus in the hospital which killed him. That's right, I was born with a twin I never got to meet. The doctors saw me, barely making it through the lack of nutrition I had in the womb, having to give me oxygen and thought in best case scenario, I would survive but have no motor functions. Thankfully, with Lady Luck and my Mom at my bedside as often as they could be there I eventually made it home, with some additional medical equipment because I wasn't exactly "ready" yet. About three years later my Mom gave birth to my Sister. A bundle of j...

I'm just going to be straight out blunt about this. This blog is a recollection of my life, told by me. A self continuing auto-biography. This is the way I viewed the world around me, what I was exposed to, and how I feel about it all. This is not for the feign of heart. Some of the things I've been through and done are things that I am either not proud of, or just need to let out. Just to clear the air let me state a few things. I am not a racist. When it comes to politics I tend to swing liberal but I honestly don't care as long as they do their job and don't make the lives of others too difficult. I cuss, a lot. I'll try to be lenient in these posts, but if it comes out, it comes out. Also, when it comes to sex, and transgender/gay issues I am on the side of "You be you." Thanks, now let's cut the crap and I'll begin.